Mom, Dad, Me & a Vlog

March 15, 2016

My relationship with my parents has changed more in the past few years than my relationship with food in the past one year. If you know me, you know thats A LOT being my attitude towards food changes 5+ times a week. One diary, three therapists and five years later, I'm acknowledging comfortably-uncomfortably, that I'm probably the parent of my parents, or the improving by-product of my parents. While growing older, and seeing mom, dad, and rest of the fam eye to eye, it becomes easier to spot the scared children in the adults we thought had it all together. Maybe they are still kids stuck in adult bodies. I find myself wanting to correct their flaws, lead them in the "right direction," or wanting to remind them to not stress, or be immature about certain things. This is quite the leap from childhood when mom and dad are the heros. The more self aware I become, the more aware I become about the source of all my deep rooted issues, fears, anxieties, habits and irrational perspectives. What do I have to say about that? Thanks a lot mom and dad. In realizing that mom and dad are not perfect, and how that poisoned my little-kid mind years back (and probably still does,) I have found myself riding the I hate you-I love you, Whats wrong with you??-I forgive you, rollercoaster with my family..... I catch myself being super harsh on my parents if they fuck up, or If I catch them saying something thats manipulative, or coming from a place of insecurity or their own anxieties and fears. I'll admit it, I get critical; as I should to a degree. But that criticism is not because I think I'm perfect or better than them. That criticism just comes from a place that is grieving the loss of childhood illusion and the two "perfect heroes" I created in my 5 years old mind. I'm dealing with my own battle of dissapointment, acceptance and learning to embrace the human aspects of mom and dad and protect myself from getting hurt too.  I absolutely have NOT mastered any of this, probs never will. But, I've got some practices in my tool box that are helping that "embrace and acceptance" part. With urge to dive back into vlogging, I share a practie that helps me replace some of that resentment with compassion when it comes to dealing with the fam. 

 

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